Relationship Goals After Baby
5 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Partner After Baby Arrives
The other day, we stumbled across this quote, “Once you’re parents, your marriage matters MORE, not less, because now other people are counting on you.” We believe one of the best things you can do for your children is prioritizing your relationship with your partner. Easier said than done, right? Read on for 5 great ways to make sure you continue nurturing your relationship with your partner after having a baby.
Get Creative About Quality Time for Your Relationship
Most of us would love to have quality one on one time look the same way it did before babies, a weekend getaway, dinner and a movie, romantic walk on the beach alone. But, life looks different now, and the realities of childcare, scheduled feedings, and other unforeseen challenges can throw a wrench in even the best laid plans. Sometimes all the preparation and planning can lead us to shut down and call it quits.
One way to tackle this issue head on is by getting creative. Talk together about what it is that you value most when it comes to spending time together. Is it the idea of trying something or going somewhere new? It is the uninterrupted time to connect and talk? Is it the romance and thrill of getting dressed up for a scheduled outing? Take note of what stands out to each of you and see how you can recreate that in a different way?
Here’s an example: you both loved to go on nice walks together on the beach or scenic walking paths and talked for hours in your more carefree days. After baby, you can still do that but time your walks around nap time to ensure you kill two birds with one stone.
Another example: you loved your dinner and a movie dates but don’t know how you can do that with a newborn and no family close by to assist with childcare. You can order dinner from a new local restaurant, have it delivered or pick it up, rent a new movie and enjoy dinner and a movie from home after your baby’s bedtime.
Sure, this quality time looks different than it used to, but the important parts are still there and that’s what matters most.
Grow Your Village to Support Alone Time with Your Partner
Yes, it pays to find creative stress free ways to spend special time with your loved one without too much hassle. It also pays to have a thriving village of support around you to rely on. In fact, we’d argue its vital to your well being and the happiness of your whole family. Stolen moments during naps and after bedtime are nice, but it is still important to get away from the house and have scheduled alone time. This can only happen with the help of others.
We hear a lot about how it takes a village to raise a child and we couldn’t agree more, but saying it and making it happen are not the same thing. It can be hard to find people you trust to care for your child. Your family might all live on the other side of the country. You may have unreliable loved ones who aren’t available when you might need their help. Whatever the case may be, and whatever your individual circumstances are, it takes work to make any community thrive.
As a new parent, this is especially overwhelming. It will take some extra energy and work in the beginning to hire or seek out reliable sitters or family members. You’ll need to relinquish control here and there. It might mean calming nerves and having some missteps along the way. All we can say is, it will get easier with time and as you get more comfortable. It is also worth it in the long run.
Become An Expert Planner to Prioritize Your Relationship
Our first two points of advice won’t work without you committing to living a life on a schedule and being a master planner. Don’t fall into the trap of saying, “We should have a date night soon.” and never following through. Gone are the days of impulsively deciding to go downtown on Friday night, or catch a late movie after you both get home from work.
This new family member means arranging schedules with your childcare provider (whether it be sitter, family member or nanny). It means preparing everything the sitter needs to take care of your child while you are away. It involves prepaying for tickets or making reservations, and whatever else might relate to the date or outing you have planned.
Planning doesn’t just help with away dates. It also will ensure that you and your partner make time for each other and your relationship. If neither of you know what’s happening from day to day, you’re more likely to miss out on time you could be spending together.
Not knowing what the other person is doing can also lead to resentment if one of you feels like the other is coming and going without keeping you in the loop. The more handle you have on the time in front of you and down the road, the more you’ll be able to do with it!
One great way to become a planning power couple is to have a shared calendar. Make it a goal to schedule some DIY quality time as frequently as you both would like (we recommend once a week).
Check In With Each Other for 5 Minutes Each Day
Do you have breakfast or dinner together every day? Do you both go to bed at the same time? Does part of your daily routine include a walk before bedtime with your child? Doing anything every day sounds overwhelming, especially to the new parent, but chances are you and your partner can count on being in the same room (or FaceTiming) for at least 5 minutes every day. Be intentional and make a habit of having a brief check in with each other to help stay connected.
What does this look like? It could be as simple as talking together on the couch at night and going over what is happening the next day. It could mean talking about something that you struggled with that day and something you are grateful for. Make a habit to share something positive about each other too, and asking for improvement or support with something that’s not working so well.
These check ins help build trust and intimacy. They don’t always have to look the same and you can start talking about practical things if that feels easier, but it has the potential to really build into something that becomes the highlight of your day.
Honor This Season of Your Lives and Your Relationship
Breathe in, breathe out. This season is temporary.
Having a child will alter your relationship. In ways you cannot even yet imagine. Studies show that the satisfaction in marriages can take a hit in the early years of parenthood. The important thing is to remember this, to understand this, to know that this time in your lives is a challenge individually and together, as you adjust to what life looks like with a new role, and with a new family member.
You’ve basically been blessed with a live in third wheel. This third wheel is going to require a chunk of your time, your heart, your priorities. As with any transition, the learning curve is steep and (sometimes) unrelenting. Understand that mistakes are going to be made on both sides, things won’t always look pretty, and patience might feel like a foreign concept. Give yourself and your partner some grace to struggle and mess up and adjust. Find ways to laugh off what you can, and reconnect and repair when feelings get hurt.
The foundation of your relationship will continue to support you through the challenges of parenthood, so long as you nurture it. We hope you find these tips and applicable to your lives and relationship. Have any other suggestions for what’s worked for you? If so, please share in our comments below.
