9 Simple (Yet Powerful!) Ways to Connect With Your Partner After Baby
8 minute read
Bringing home a new baby comes with new emotions, stressors, and changes that you may or may not have expected…
Sleepless nights, learning (or re-learning!) all the baby things, adapting to your new roles as a growing family… Those first few months with a newborn can feel like a whirlwind and may take a toll on your relationship with your partner.
Thankfully, there are some easy — yet powerful — ways to connect with your partner after having a baby. These small actions on a daily basis can bring you and your partner together as a team so that you can thrive, not just survive, during the newborn phase.
- Share the “Wins” of the Day
Learning how to care for a newborn comes with a steep learning curve. Even if you’ve read a ton of baby books and listened to the best parenting podcasts…It’s another thing entirely to hold your newborn in your arms and be responsible for their care 24/7, 365 days a year.
Whether your baby is having difficulty latching while nursing, has their days and nights confused, or is crying for no apparent reason…there may be difficult or even downright unpleasant parts of your day caring for your little one. And when you’re sleep deprived and stretched to the max, these challenges can threaten to steal the joy of caring for your little one.
But even if today was super hard, there were probably at least one — or even a few! — precious moments with your baby too. Maybe they made a new cooing sound you’d never heard before. Or reached out and grasped a hanging toy.
Take note of the special moments throughout your day and share them with your partner! It will be fun to relive the bright spots in your day, helping commit these moments to memory and uplifting you and your partner as well.
- Be Open & Flexible
Most likely, you and your partner will have different ideas about how to care for your new baby. You may have different styles of rocking your little one to sleep. Or put them in different clothes when heading out for a stroller walk.
And that’s ok!
Having different ideas, methods, or techniques may feel frustrating at times — especially when you would prefer to have things done your way… But these differences can actually be a strength!
Babies come with their own personalities and preferences — some of which you might not expect. And it can be challenging at times to figure out what they want or need, especially when they can’t tell you!
That’s where having two sets of eyes and two different perspectives, can be helpful in finding the best ways to care for your little one. Try to be open to your partner’s thoughts and remember that you’re both on the same team and want the best for your baby.
- Communicate Your Feelings & Needs
If you’re an external processor — communicating your thoughts, feelings, and needs may feel as natural as breathing. This will definitely help you in the early stages of caring for your baby so that your partner knows when you need comfort or extra support.
But for many internal processors, sharing these wants and needs can be really hard — even without a newborn. And if you’re feeling sleep-deprived or stressed caring for your little one, you may be tempted to bury your frustrations until “later,” telling yourself that everything is “fine.”
This is a quick way to lead to burn-out and even resentment against your partner — because shouldn’t they know how you’re feeling and what you’re going through?
Remember that it’s ok to communicate with your partner — the good and the bad. Don’t wait until it’s too late and your emotions bubble over and erupt in an emotional outburst.
And even if you stumble through your thoughts or aren’t quite sure how to express yourself… By being open and honest with your partner — you’ll be giving them the opportunity to be there for you.
Even if you’re struggling, this doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent, partner, or person. By communicating with one another you’ll come together as a unit — supporting each other through every bump and turn along the way.
- Give Your Partner a Break When They Need It
There will be times when you or your partner reach a breaking point. This may happen when you’ve woken up for the fifth time at night…or the fifth night in a row. Or when you’ve been rocking your little one for over an hour and they’re still crying, refusing to go to sleep.
Caring for a baby is a pretty demanding job. And without a how-to manual for your specific child, it’s likely that you’ll hit a wall at one point or another.
This is normal!
The key is knowing when you’ve reached this point… And then being brave and bold enough to say it out loud.
Tell your partner if and when you need a break. It’s better to remove yourself and take care of your needs first, so that you don’t accidentally harm your little one.
And when your partner says that you need a break…honor their request as best you can! Even if you’re super drained and exhausted yourself, remember that it takes courage for your partner to be open and vulnerable with you by sharing their needs.
You and your partner may even want to be proactive by discussing what triggers may tip each of you over the edge and how you’ll communicate when you need help. You can even plan how to give each other breaks on a regular basis.
Maybe it’s alternating looking after your baby so that you can each shower in the morning or taking turns for who will respond to your little one when they wake up at night. These small acts of love toward each other will add up and make a big difference in the long run.
- Speak One Another’s Love Languages
Have you taken the 5 Love Languages test? The five love languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
Most likely you and your partner will have different love languages, and knowing these differences — or similarities! — is a great way to connect with your partner at any point in your relationship… But especially after a new baby has arrived.
Because discovering your partner’s love languages…and then “speaking” that language to them regularly may help you and your partner to feel more loved, supported, and connected.
If your partner enjoys acts of service — they may feel so grateful when you offer to change your baby’s poopy diaper (when it’s really their turn). Or if they appreciate words of affirmation — their heart may melt when you express how much you love them and how happy you are to be their partner.
By showing each other love in the ways that are most meaningful to each other, you’ll strengthen your bond — which is one of the very most important gifts you can give to your little one.
- Try a Day Date
When your baby has an early bedtime and you’re ready to crawl into bed at 8 p.m… It may be difficult to muster up the energy to go out on a date night with your partner. This doesn’t mean that you don’t want to spend quality time with your partner — the newborn phase (and even beyond) can be pretty exhausting.
It may be difficult to get out in the evening for a little while — but you may find that you and your partner enjoy doing activities together during the day!
Try grabbing a morning coffee and going on a neighborhood walk while pushing your baby in the stroller. Or maybe Saturday brunch becomes a new tradition! Head out mid-afternoon to your favorite brewery or hit up your go-to restaurant for happy hour.
You’ll probably find that you have more energy to talk, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company when you get out while the sun is still shining. And that it’s even fun to bring your little one along for the ride!
- Find a Babysitter You Trust
As much as you enjoy spending time with your little one — it can be nice to take a break every once in a while…just the two of you. Afterall, it was your love that brought the two of you together and created your family in the first place! It’s important to continue nurturing your relationship and this includes quality time together.
Yes, you might get time together while you wind down in bed at the end of a long day. But there’s something truly refreshing about changing your environment, stepping away from the baby monitor, and just being you — as individuals and as a couple — for a couple hours.
But leaving your little one can feel really daunting — especially if you’re new parents. That’s why it’s important to find a family member, neighbor, friend, or trustworthy babysitter that you feel comfortable watching your baby.
And if you’re on the hunt for an amazing babysitter — ask your friends if they use anyone they like, browse your Facebook groups or local mom groups, or use a trusted website like Care.com.
- Reach Out to Your “Village”
Asking for help is one of the hardest things for new parents — and sometimes just in general, if we’re being honest! But when it comes to caring for a new baby, it’s so much harder to navigate this demanding season if you try to do it all on your own.
And it’s likely that your community wants to help — but they don’t want to overstep your boundaries or may not be sure what you need.
Whether it’s bringing over a meal, picking up a carton of eggs from the store, or helping you clean up the kitchen… It’s ok to ask your “village” for help.
The people who love you cand care about you will be there for you in a heartbeat (and will be glad that you reached out to them in the first place!).
From GrubHub gift cards to kind phone calls or texts to check on you… These “gifts” — no matter how large or small — can make a world of a difference during the postpartum period and help take the pressure off your stretched relationship.
- Take Care of Yourself
It’s easy to work yourself into the ground — trying to be everything and do everything for your baby, partner, family and friends. But the truth is… You can only be the best partner to your spouse when you take care of yourself!
Spend a few minutes during one of your baby’s naps journaling, meditating, or doing some gentle stretching. Read the next book in the series you started while you were pregnant. Take a warm bubble bath at the end of the day. Go out with your girlfriends (or invite them over!) for dinner.
It’s important to carve out time for some TLC when you’re working so hard and adjusting to so much as a new parent.
And remember to encourage your partner to do the same!
Do You and Your Partner Need More Support Along Your Parenting Journey?
Whether you are a first time parent, or adding to your family, we’re here for you. To celebrate. To offer you personalized support. To show you respect and compassion. And to give you encouragement every step of the way. Come visit us in person or shop online.
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